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Deluded mess 2 Comments
My return to usual blogging was going to be a bright and happy one, but unfortunately it's going to be a rant about the most recent goings on of my life.. and todays subject is women
Once upon a time, last thursday, my ex came out, who, i'd fallen in love with and i'd been with for a very long time, and i still terribly missed, and i even told her, every so often, but not too often i sounded a scary stalker kinda guy. But me and her were on good terms, breaking up with nice mutual feelings of one another, and we remained to be friends.
Thursday she came out to the pub, we got on fine, up until she ran off, into the arms of another guy, who she is now courting, and it hurt, a lot to see the person i cared most for, the person i'd hope to one day build another foundation of a loving relationship with, to see it crumble in front of me into pieces of hate and despise. (I had been drinking bearing in mind) I went home and angry, i contacted a friend who offered social support and suppressed my anger, she's one of my dearest friends, but is also my ex's cousin.
The next day, i'd been out, and Saturday, and forgotten all about it, and had one of the best weekends in a long time, but today over MSN of all things, Charlotte spoke to me and asked why i was mad with her, confused as to how she knew, it seemed of course the cousin had spilled everything, the person i thought i could trust. I explained why, and she flipped and went crazy, throwing various insults and bringing up things that somehow turned it around to be MY fault? Please agree that this is slightly inconsiderate to my feelings, watching the person you love be in the arms of another guy.. That is quite a recent break up.
So i agreed to get out of her life, its the only thing i can think of to get rid of all these feelings of mixed love and hate, that i hope will disappear, over a long period of time of course, i just now dread the nights where i see her around town, and my heart drops, butterflies appears, but for all the wrong reasons...
After all, i'd decided to forget all my hatred and not say anything to her, in fact i'd actually began to realize my error and thought of course she was going to move on eventually, because it was not worth it, being friends with her and watching her be with someone else, is much better than being two people who despise one and other, but with no way of being able to contact her now its the end of something special, and the start of a twisted path of confusion and pain..
And it leaves me with two severe pains, one of course being my ex, but secondly the dearest friend who i could trust, who has been two faced and broken a promise to me.
I'm deluded with confusion, as to who is who anymore, things aren't what they seem, girls are becomming less of an attraction and more of a warning sign for heart break, making me feel the need to not care anymore, but i'm fighting my id to not become a stereotypical man that most women think of around here.
I'd apologize for the lengthy rant, but i'm all out of them, said it too many times, in such a small amount of times.
Liam
Once upon a time, last thursday, my ex came out, who, i'd fallen in love with and i'd been with for a very long time, and i still terribly missed, and i even told her, every so often, but not too often i sounded a scary stalker kinda guy. But me and her were on good terms, breaking up with nice mutual feelings of one another, and we remained to be friends.
Thursday she came out to the pub, we got on fine, up until she ran off, into the arms of another guy, who she is now courting, and it hurt, a lot to see the person i cared most for, the person i'd hope to one day build another foundation of a loving relationship with, to see it crumble in front of me into pieces of hate and despise. (I had been drinking bearing in mind) I went home and angry, i contacted a friend who offered social support and suppressed my anger, she's one of my dearest friends, but is also my ex's cousin.
The next day, i'd been out, and Saturday, and forgotten all about it, and had one of the best weekends in a long time, but today over MSN of all things, Charlotte spoke to me and asked why i was mad with her, confused as to how she knew, it seemed of course the cousin had spilled everything, the person i thought i could trust. I explained why, and she flipped and went crazy, throwing various insults and bringing up things that somehow turned it around to be MY fault? Please agree that this is slightly inconsiderate to my feelings, watching the person you love be in the arms of another guy.. That is quite a recent break up.
So i agreed to get out of her life, its the only thing i can think of to get rid of all these feelings of mixed love and hate, that i hope will disappear, over a long period of time of course, i just now dread the nights where i see her around town, and my heart drops, butterflies appears, but for all the wrong reasons...
After all, i'd decided to forget all my hatred and not say anything to her, in fact i'd actually began to realize my error and thought of course she was going to move on eventually, because it was not worth it, being friends with her and watching her be with someone else, is much better than being two people who despise one and other, but with no way of being able to contact her now its the end of something special, and the start of a twisted path of confusion and pain..
And it leaves me with two severe pains, one of course being my ex, but secondly the dearest friend who i could trust, who has been two faced and broken a promise to me.
I'm deluded with confusion, as to who is who anymore, things aren't what they seem, girls are becomming less of an attraction and more of a warning sign for heart break, making me feel the need to not care anymore, but i'm fighting my id to not become a stereotypical man that most women think of around here.
I'd apologize for the lengthy rant, but i'm all out of them, said it too many times, in such a small amount of times.
Liam
aww Liam :( sorry to hear that you're living through a tough breakup. They are never easy... been through a few, and it always seems to creep up on you when you try to move on or forget. But don't get too discouraged; instead, you should be grateful that you've learned to know yourself better and what you like and don't like about relationships. All this stuff is experience and useful, no matter how painful. You grow with time, and these experiences will help you find the right person. Hope you feel better! Here's an *e-hug*
Thanks a lot sapphy :) Very kind words, dreadding a night out on friday where she's guaranteed to be... perhaps a chance to show her that i don't care and that i can have a great time even if she is there! :)